Dating With Purpose : How To Find Your Anchor in the Dating World
In the ever-changing landscape of dating, it's easy to get swept up by emotions, societal pressures, and fleeting desires. To find lasting and meaningful connections, you need a sturdy anchor – a set of guidelines that reflect your genuine wants and values. This blog will guide you through the steps to find your anchor in the dating world.
Step 1: Define Your Desires
Begin by crafting a list of what you want in a partner. This list should encompass your physical needs, sexual desires, and emotional wants. Being specific at this stage can provide clarity and direction in your search.
Step 2: Values Matter
In addition to desires, make a list of the values you wish to see in your ideal partner. These could include qualities like generosity, consideration, financial responsibility, and a commitment to personal growth. Values are the cornerstone of a strong and enduring relationship. Confidence comes from knowing what you want.
Step 3: Reflect and Validate
After creating your lists, take a step back and sit with them for a week. It's essential to ask yourself what emotions and thoughts arise when you review these lists. Can you validate these desires for yourself? Often, this self-reflection reveals your ability to recognize and affirm your own needs, perhaps for the first time.
Step 4: Prioritize and Reflect on Flexibility
Identify which values on your list are of the utmost importance and which ones you are more flexible about. This exercise helps you distinguish between your non-negotiables and preferences, providing clarity in your quest for a compatible partner. Understanding your boundaries of flexibility can help you lean into it when required, as would be in any healthy relationship where a certain degree of flexibility and compromise will show up.
Step 5: Address Shaky Criteria
If certain criteria on your list make you feel uncertain, explore why you feel the need for a partner with those specific qualities. Examine whether this need is rooted in your personal desire for love and acceptance or influenced by societal expectations. This deep dive helps you understand the origin of your criteria.
Step 6: Embrace Honesty and Vulnerability
During this step, be candid and vulnerable with yourself. There's no need to eliminate any qualities from your list at this stage. The purpose of this exercise is to increase self-awareness, not to judge your desires. Embrace your vulnerability and accept your wants as valid.
Step 7: Seek Feedback from Trusted Individuals
Share your list with people you trust, such as friends or family who create emotional safety. Are you open to their feedback? Does their input validate your list or make you feel dismissed? If you experience discouragement, consider sharing your list with someone who knows you on a deeper level. The goal here is to feel heard and validated.
Your list becomes your anchor in the dating world. When you encounter feelings of loneliness, discouragement, desperation, or jealousy, turn to this list. It will serve as a reminder of your true desires and values, preventing you from entering relationships based solely on fleeting emotions.
While many elements of finding the right partner lie beyond your control, this exercise won't guarantee your ideal match. However, it will empower you with a sense of agency and control in the midst of this unpredictable journey. Your anchor guides you towards genuine and fulfilling connections in the dating world, helping you navigate with confidence and authenticity.
About The Author
Manali Deolalkar is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor who works with adolescents and adults for Individual Therapy and Couples Therapy. In her practice, Manali specializes in dating and relationship issues to support clients in the process of finding a partner to building a relationship.